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Monologue On “I Miss You”

I miss you.

-You miss me? You miss what part of me? You miss your own sentiments for me. You miss the impression I left you. You miss my face or my body or my soul? You miss how I made you feel. You miss that you successfully persuaded me and seduced me. You miss everything that I’m not now. You miss me not because of me but because of yourself. How selfish it is to miss someone! To miss what I’m not is to impose false traits on me. You believed that I was impeccable, yet I am not. You thought I were naive and pampered, yet I am not. You thought I was a beautiful swan, when I’m just an ugly duckling. You saw me for three seconds, and the same impression that I made in the first three seconds lasted your whole lifetime. We met for merely 24 hours in total, or probably less, yet the impression that I made in half of 24 hours followed you forever. Why meet again? Why ruin the fantasy? Let the fantasy carry on forever. Why blow the bubble? Why face the reality? We’re not meant to be. Why break the perfect image? Why solve the mystery? Why keep insisting and pretending as if I were the love of your life when all you want is to relive the past glory? Time has changed and years have passed. Not that I have any wrinkle around my eyes, but that I’ve grown up and grown out of myself. I’ve seen more. I’ve experienced more. And like you, I long for the past. I long to return to the past. I wish I were the same. I wish time had frozen at that moment. It hurts to think that someone that you miss no longer exists in substance. The silhouette of yesterday has evaporated. So let’s forget it. Please go miss someone else. Yes I remember that soft kiss. I remember the first night. I remember the post-heartache as vividly as a prosecuted Jew who remembers  the Holocaust. I remember the bench. I remember the touch. I remember…I remember…I remember…but I don’t miss it. 

I don’t miss him. I dismiss him.

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